Half A Year

Ezra is half year today! Happy 6 months buddy!

Weighing in at 11 lbs 7 1/2 oz. Standing (or laying) roughly 24 1/4 inches. Wearing 6 month clothing and size 1 diapers. Ezra has been weaned from supplements and is fed from mommy only. He has 1 tooth and 1 on the way (which does not make mommy happy - where is that bottle?). Ezra sleeps for one 5-6 hr stretch a night. He will not nap for longer than 15-20 minutes unless mommy is wearing him in the beco. Ezra likes to be the center of attention or at least have a parent, sibling, dog, grandparent, friend or stranger making eye contact with him and then he's happy. He likes to jump. He can roll over both ways. He has good hand eye coordination and can shove just abut anything he grasps in his mouth. He loves string and rope and hair - all of which he pulls. Ezra is doing great!

Geckos and Rhinos

Geckos and Rhinos? What on earth do those things have in common? Observe these conversations:

Me: "You have searched me Lord and you know me"
Jude: "You have searched me Lord and you know me, Shiloh you say it then I'll be the gecko."
Me: "what's a gecko?"
Jude: "we did it at school today, I did it with Mrs... not Mrs. Lamar, the other one."
Me: "Mrs. LeCompte."
Jude: "Yes."
Shiloh: "You have searched me Lord, you know me."
Jude: "You have searched me Lord, you know me."
Me: "Oh, echo"


Chad and I having returned from dinner out in the Caymans, Christy put the boys to bed.

Christy: "So the boys asked me to sing the rhino song tonight, I have no idea what that song is, so I youtube searched for it and got nothing, what is the rhino song?"
Me: "I have no idea...hmmmm...they like me to sing the arky song but there are no rhinos in it...."
Chad: hmmmm....
Me: "what on earth?"
Christy: "I have no idea"
Chads: Singing to himself songs we sing to the boys "this rhino, Jesus loves me?"
Me: "Jesus loves me this rhino, for the Bible tells me so..."

my kids may need hearing exams....



Jude at school.



Shiloh decorating bday cupcakes.



Morning Asher.



Smile Ezra.

Bulking Up

Ezra has been bulking up. He is now 11 lbs 4.2 oz! LOL! He is still a tiny guy but the good news is that with a birth weight of 5 lbs 5.5oz he is now back on his growth curve (which is not on the charts)!

Yesterday we had our final follow up with the pediatric dentist who took care of his tongue tie and lip tie and she released us from her care and from all mouth exercises. I've met with a lactation consultant and Ezra's latch is now great. He is nursing well and we are now on a plan to wean him off supplements (which is for me an arduous process - because I have to track everything - and I'm an ESTP (myers brigg personality type) we don't do tracking and schedules and writing things down well). Once he is weaned from supplements I will wean myself from the medication I am taking to increase my milk supply. So hopefully we will be done with this whole process in a month or two (if I survive the scheduling - I feel my life slipping away just thinking about it).

Happy weight gain to Ezra!

Before

Before

Sorry its not the greatest but this was Monday.

After

After

6 and 4

There are no 5 year olds in my house. There are no 3 year olds in my house. We now have a 6 year old and a 4 year old!

Happy 6th Birthday Jude:

Jude,
You are my special little guy. You made me a mom. You are my first. I love you so much! Jude you are a smart and witty guy, you make people laugh with your cute comments and your well thought out ideas. I love that you love legos. You are great at building things and figuring out how to make things work. When you put your mind to learning something I am amazed at how quickly you master what you have determined to master. You have a great imagination and I love to see you slay dragons, rescue your sister (pretend sister...), capture the bad guy with your lasso, and use your ninjago skills to save the day. You love stories and it makes me glad to share them with you. You love to climb, anything that can be climbed you climb, carefully at first finding every hand and foothold you can. Jude you are an amazing big brother, you play with Shiloh and Asher, you talk to and hold and help feed Ezra, you look out for them, you help them, you are ready to protect them when they need. I pray Jude that you would use the life God has given you to bring him praise, that is what Jude means, "praised one or one who brings praise." I pray that you would be a courageous warrior, which is what your middle name Caleb means, standing up for what is right, for those who need someone to stand up for them. Jude use your imagination and ability to figure things out to solve problems and bring God glory. Jude use your love of stories, telling and listening to tell the Biggest Story - the only Story that matters, the Story of Jesus. Jude continue to be a big brother to Shiloh, Asher and Ezra and learn to be a brother to your family found in Jesus. Jude this year I pray that you would grow and that as you climb your way through life you would keep your eyes on Jesus - never take your eyes off him and let him be your hand and foothold. I love you little guy. Happy Birthday!

Happy 4th Birthday Shiloh:

Shiloh,
You are my sweet little man. I love you so much! Shiloh you are so smart. You are kind and caring. You think about other people and how you can help them and what they need. You are quick to help Asher and Ezra when they are upset. You are not afraid of hard work - in fact you welcome it. When I see you helping Daddy with the yard, carrying heavy things for me, working alongside Granny or Mr. Joe my heart swells with pride and the man I see you will one day become. You have a wonderful imagination and I love it when you ask me to call you "Luke," as you fight Darth Vader and the dark side, or "King Edmund, but not high king because Peter is high king," Edmund is my favorite too, or "Kai" the red ninja. You are always fighting on the right side - for good and not evil. Shiloh I love that you love stories and I love to snuggle with you and read. I love that you love to play board games  and I love that you are getting so good at doing puzzles. I pray Shiloh that you would grow and discover who God has made you to be. I pray that you would continue to share a heart with Jesus showing love, being kind and caring. I pray that you would keep helping people. I pray that you would never tire of work - for God made us to work - that you find the work that He has for you and that you would do the work he gives you to bring him praise. Shiloh I pray that you would always see Jesus and choose to be on his side, and a soldier for him. I pray that you would hear and share the Story of Jesus. I love you Shiloh, my little man. Happy Birthday!

First Day of Kindergarten!

Jude is off this morning for his first day of kindergarten. Boy was he excited! We woke up (I had coffee) ate breakfast (yummy peanut butter chocolate chip baked oatmeal...its got oats so therefore is breakfast...), Jude brushed his teeth, dressed himself (picking out his uniform), and combed his hair. We got there a few minutes early so as to be able to park. Got devoured by mosquitos and after giving his teacher a "survival kit" I said goodbye. Do you think I cried? Of course not. Hahaha! What an exciting new adventure for Jude - though its been all of 30 minutes since we left and Shiloh, Asher and I miss him already.

Happy first day of school buddy!



Jude's first day of kindergarten - August 22, 2016



Sign and Teacher Survival Kits



Shiloh though staying home needed a first day picture too!



Jude, Shiloh and Asher with Bradley Bear (TCS mascot)



Jude and The Bear



Daddy and Jude together at school - first time that Daddy will on a daily basis be closer to Jude than me - Hard to tell who is more pleased with this arrangement



Mom, please stop taking pictures and leave, I have important learning to do - he smiled for me though - love this little guy to pieces!

Meet the Teacher!

Last night we went to the connection school for meet the teacher. Jude's going to kindergarten this year! I always thought that perhaps we might homeschool but  Chad works for the connection school and it seems as if it's going to be a great fit for us.

My number one reason in thinking that I would homeschool is because I feel very much that God has called us as parents to disciple our kids  and to teach them about him.  I had a very wise friend once tell me when she thought of her kids education she thought about what the end result would be and then made a plan from there. I want to see my boys  grow into men who love Jesus and are equipped to use their minds to glorify him. I thought in  order for our family to do this well I would need to homeschool. I'm so glad that the connection school exist. I'm so glad the connection school  has the purpose of discipling kids to love the Lord with all their hearts with all their soul without their strength and with all their mind. I'm excited to partner with the school to disciple our kids.

 It's a good thing the connection school exists because homeschooling might not have worked out so well for us. Last year I did a soft homeschool with Jude. We got some workbooks and we got a reading curriculum and we started.  We didn't get very far. We just can't seem to make time with all the crazy little boys I have around. It's bad enough that Jude commented, " I don't know all my letters because my mom keeps having babies." Point taken to school you go.

Jude is super excited about starting school on Monday!



Jude with his teacher Mrs. Lamar



Hmmmm....I sure hope we can find Jude's lunch box on Monday...

Tongue Tied

Please excuse my blog of errors - grammatical and logical train of thought:

Well it appears that little Mr. Ezra was tongue tied and he also had a lip tie. After a wonderful visit with a pediatric dentist, discussion of what tongue tie is, discussion of all the symptoms and problems breastfeeding Ezra has and an exam, we knew what it was we were facing. I consented to the correction/removal procedure and Ezra got both ties taken care of. It was very costly - both monetarily and more importantly emotionally on me. I absolutely hate it when he cries and is in pain - and I consented to it. But it was necessary so its good that it is at least done. Now we just have the long road of mouth excersices and care of the wound sites (I am less than thrilled about what I have to do because it will without a doubt cause him pain - at least in the beginning - but again necessary) and building up my milk supply.

I so wish it would be a quick and simple and easy fix - but things don't always work out that way. Sometimes the way forward is painful and long.

I have no fancy degree studying theology but I do love Jesus and know that He is the best teacher ever and I know that He is inviting me in to knowing Him more and I can't help but relate this to God - I see him in everything.

God is always teaching and leading and it is cool to see how he connects the things we are going through to the things we are studying.

This week we were gathered together with some other followers of Jesus to fellowship and discuss the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (one of my most favorite authors!) and our discussion led us to the topic of suffering (oh sheesh I just had Yoda's voice in my head..."leads to suffering"). James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish it works so you may be mature and complete not lacking anything." So I suppose I should be overcome with joy...not quite there yet but perhaps I will be one day...

So here we are discussing suffering and if God allows it or causes it - I'm just going to say that I am not God and I do not know the answer this is just my musings on the subject - and the very next day I have to watch my baby suffer because of the tongue tie procedure. It breaks my heart that he is suffering and going through this. If there were anyway I could take his pain I would. And yet at the same time I consented to the procedure. I could have declined the procedure but I didn't because I knew it was necessary. The tie was causing him to not able to eat and grow as he gets older it would have inhibited his speech and could have had other issues due to the tie. So I consented and waited through the procedure. I held him after as he screamed in pain. I tried to soothe him. I held him and let him nurse. Then I had to let my heart break again as I did the wound care which sent him once again in to tears. It has to be done but I hate it.

That's when it hit me. God hates it when we suffer. I can't answer if he is causing it or allowing it or whatever but I know that he hates it. I know also that he is there with us in the suffering. He wants to hold us and he tries to soothe us. He comforts us. More than that He did something no other God would do - He entered into our suffering. Jesus came to suffer and die. He did not stand by and watch our suffering He came and took it on himself - because He loves us and cares for us. See when sin entered the world there was no quick, simple, easy fix the way forward was long and filled with pain - pain we were not left to deal with on our own - Jesus came to suffer with and for us.

Thank you Jesus. I choose to trust him when I'm suffering - regardless of if I know the reason for it. Ezra is doing great today and he still loves me and trust me and lets me comfort him and I want to trust that Jesus loves me and let him comfort me.


Here are some pictures of our little guy! Please note that it is a new experience for everyone to feed one of my babies...there have never been any bottles until Ezra...I think every one is enjoying the experience:


Smily baby (he was up to 10lb 11.1oz)

Got Milk?

Got milk? I don't. Ezra needs it.

I've been meaning to catch up on my blogging for ages but I've been a tinsy bit busy...instead of playing catchup I'm just going to get right to the point of this blog:

Ezra had his 4 month check up and I'm so thankful we went in because Ezra had gained just 1 pound in 2 months (one should see 1-2+ pounds a month, so he should have gained in between 2-4+) and he hadn't really grown length wise, he went from the 22% in height to not on the charts. Not good. And then the Dr. said the "s" word..."supplement" that is. I was not very excited about having to supplement but I could see that he needed some milk.

In not a very Destiny like manner I immediately asked for help from some friends (I'm no good at asking and receiving help - I prefer to be the one helping it's oh so much easier on my pride). I have great friends! From giving me the best recommendations, buying a special brownie mix to make for when I came over, listening and validating me because they have faced this issue themselves and even pumping so that I could supplement with breast milk instead of formula. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for my friends. Thank you. I can't even put into words and I am tearing up at the thought of you. Thank you.

I called my midwife who happens to also be a lactation consultant. We decided I should come into the  Katy Birth Center and do a test to determine exactly how much milk Ezra was getting each time he nursed. So we weighed him, I nursed him and we weighed him again. He was only getting about 2oz and he needs 4-5oz. Not good. We discussed best options. I got a supplementer to enable me to give him a supplement at the breast while he is nursing. I got myself a good pump (if you need my opinion of the "free" pump you are supposed to be able to get from your insurance I can give you it...if I put into words what I thought about that well you might have a lower opinion of me and my language...just saying'). I got myself some herbal supplements. The Birth center put the word out for me that Ezra was in need of milk and the response was overwhelming - go mamas! I got so much milk to supplement. I was all set. I was determined.

I have tried and tried. If you know me then you will know that I do not like to lose anything and I took this as a challenge. I hate to admit it but I am losing and I do not think I will be able to win.

I have been undone. I have cried my heart out. I have begged God for more milk. Then I began to thank God: thank you for the milk I have had, thank you that we caught this before Ezra got sick, thank you for breaking me and requiring my to swallow my pride and ask for help, thank you for your provision in friends, thank you for showing my my dark sinful heart that is so prone to pride and comparison that I might repent, thank you for challenging my ideas and calling me out for secretly judging other mom's, thank you for other mom's who instead of judgement or callous advise have show love and helped me, thank you for milk for Ezra, thank you that in only one week of supplementing Ezra is up a pound, thank you for hearing me when I cried out to you, thank you Jesus!

I know that God is going to provide for Ezra. I have tried to convince myself to give him formula but I really just don't like it. I really desire to give him breast milk, even if it's not mine. I think he would prefer that too as the last three times I offered formula he refused to eat it. But he is taking donor milk.

So here goes my pride, we need help! I am looking for a more permanent milk donor, I'm not even sure where to start but if anyone reading this has any ideas please email me at destinylegare@gmail.com . I know that he will need 25-30oz of milk a day for at least 8 months - which is a lot but I am praying God will send a mama our way who can help us out.

Did you know the name Ezra means help? Did you know Ezra's middle name is Jordan which means flowing down? Well we are in need of help running down from our heavenly Father. It seems He has me in a place of learning to trust Him and depend on Him (oh how it irks me to be dependent) and maybe my naming of this precious boy Ezra Jordan is an intended consequence...



Ezra before supplementing



Ezra with Jude a few days into supplementing...can you see the difference?