Got Milk?

Got milk? I don't. Ezra needs it.

I've been meaning to catch up on my blogging for ages but I've been a tinsy bit busy...instead of playing catchup I'm just going to get right to the point of this blog:

Ezra had his 4 month check up and I'm so thankful we went in because Ezra had gained just 1 pound in 2 months (one should see 1-2+ pounds a month, so he should have gained in between 2-4+) and he hadn't really grown length wise, he went from the 22% in height to not on the charts. Not good. And then the Dr. said the "s" word..."supplement" that is. I was not very excited about having to supplement but I could see that he needed some milk.

In not a very Destiny like manner I immediately asked for help from some friends (I'm no good at asking and receiving help - I prefer to be the one helping it's oh so much easier on my pride). I have great friends! From giving me the best recommendations, buying a special brownie mix to make for when I came over, listening and validating me because they have faced this issue themselves and even pumping so that I could supplement with breast milk instead of formula. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for my friends. Thank you. I can't even put into words and I am tearing up at the thought of you. Thank you.

I called my midwife who happens to also be a lactation consultant. We decided I should come into the  Katy Birth Center and do a test to determine exactly how much milk Ezra was getting each time he nursed. So we weighed him, I nursed him and we weighed him again. He was only getting about 2oz and he needs 4-5oz. Not good. We discussed best options. I got a supplementer to enable me to give him a supplement at the breast while he is nursing. I got myself a good pump (if you need my opinion of the "free" pump you are supposed to be able to get from your insurance I can give you it...if I put into words what I thought about that well you might have a lower opinion of me and my language...just saying'). I got myself some herbal supplements. The Birth center put the word out for me that Ezra was in need of milk and the response was overwhelming - go mamas! I got so much milk to supplement. I was all set. I was determined.

I have tried and tried. If you know me then you will know that I do not like to lose anything and I took this as a challenge. I hate to admit it but I am losing and I do not think I will be able to win.

I have been undone. I have cried my heart out. I have begged God for more milk. Then I began to thank God: thank you for the milk I have had, thank you that we caught this before Ezra got sick, thank you for breaking me and requiring my to swallow my pride and ask for help, thank you for your provision in friends, thank you for showing my my dark sinful heart that is so prone to pride and comparison that I might repent, thank you for challenging my ideas and calling me out for secretly judging other mom's, thank you for other mom's who instead of judgement or callous advise have show love and helped me, thank you for milk for Ezra, thank you that in only one week of supplementing Ezra is up a pound, thank you for hearing me when I cried out to you, thank you Jesus!

I know that God is going to provide for Ezra. I have tried to convince myself to give him formula but I really just don't like it. I really desire to give him breast milk, even if it's not mine. I think he would prefer that too as the last three times I offered formula he refused to eat it. But he is taking donor milk.

So here goes my pride, we need help! I am looking for a more permanent milk donor, I'm not even sure where to start but if anyone reading this has any ideas please email me at destinylegare@gmail.com . I know that he will need 25-30oz of milk a day for at least 8 months - which is a lot but I am praying God will send a mama our way who can help us out.

Did you know the name Ezra means help? Did you know Ezra's middle name is Jordan which means flowing down? Well we are in need of help running down from our heavenly Father. It seems He has me in a place of learning to trust Him and depend on Him (oh how it irks me to be dependent) and maybe my naming of this precious boy Ezra Jordan is an intended consequence...



Ezra before supplementing



Ezra with Jude a few days into supplementing...can you see the difference?