Endurance

Sometimes it seems as if all I can do is endure the day. What with changing a million diapers, making meals and cleaning up meals, trying to keep some discipline going (which is extremely hard when your 1 1/2 year old decides to act up while you are breastfeeding the baby), the nightly crying of baby, etc. I could go on but I won't.

On Easter Sunday our church, had a wonderful gathering. After sharing the Lord's Supper we had a time of prayer and we shared various promises God has given us. I've been reading in the Psalms and this one verse has grabbed my attention over and over, "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever more (Psalm 16:11)." And I feel like this is a promise for me.

But can I confess? I'm not feeling the joy most days. Instead I'm tired. I snap at the kids. I attempt to satisfy myself with distraction. Yet I feel more depleted. Cognitively I know joy is with Jesus but it seems so hard to get into that joy. See the problem is I start to think I have to do something to get the joy. If I read the Bible more, If I prayed more, If I listened to praise and worship more, If I did more, If I stopped snapping at the boys, if I stopped sinning then I could enter into Jesus' presence and I could have that joy.

The only problem is I can't. But that's the point of Jesus right? He can do what we can't.Hang with me. We've been watching the Batman trilogy and in The Dark Knight the Joker has demanded Batman take off his mask and this conversation follows:

"Bruce Wayne: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?  

Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice."

This is like Jesus. He made the right choice when we can't. Not only did he live a perfect life and fulfill all righteousness he also endured the wrath of God and took our punishment. The Jesus Storybook Bible (have I mentioned I love this Bible?) describes the crucifixion this way:

“The full force of the storm of God’s fierce anger at sin was coming down. On his own Son. Instead of his people. It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin.”

Thank God I don't have to do anything. Jesus has done it all. Jesus endured the cross so we wouldn't have to. And that is the good news we celebrate on Easter. And it means I can have joy because the sin in my heart has been destroyed and I can enter into the presence of God. This is a promise for me and I will cling to it. I want joy. I want Jesus. I will have ups and downs. I will struggle. I may not feel the joy but it is there and I have it because Jesus is the joy and I have Jesus.

Sorry for being all over the place. I never said I was great at writing. Or explaining what I'm thinking so others can understand...

Also it is extremely difficult to type with one hand...back to chicken pecking because the baby wants to be held...can you believe I made it through high school without being able to type? But then again my best friend typed up my papers for me and edited them...and judging by all the bad grammar you are sure to find you can tell she is no longer doing that for me...